I originally started this blog because I was bored.
& I was bored because I was was shutting down from everyone around me.
& I was shutting down because I was hurt.
& I was hurt because of a boy.
I never would have thought nearly 2 years later I would still be affected by that boy.
Luckily it only hurts when I think about it.
& I don't think about it every second of every day like I use to.
I don't breakdown if I don't hear from him constantly; We go weeks without speaking from time to time.
I don't go to his facebook to see if there's someone new. I don't compare every guy I meet to him.
I don't walk around wondering what he's doing.
I don't go out of my way to get his attention or affection.
So I'm seemingly over him, right? It's just still hurts from time to time. & I still get this weird feeling when he does call or text me. & I fear it'll always be this way.
Some people say you never get over your first love.
I pray every single night this isn't true. I don't want him anymore.
I don't want to know he exists at times.
I don't have the desire to be with him.
It just...hurts from time to time still.
"I've talked to friends, talked to myself. I've talked to God, I prayed liked hell; But I still miss you. I tried sober, I tried drinking; I've been strong and I've been weak. & I still miss you. I've done everything to move on like I'm suppose to, I'd give anything for one more minute with you; I still miss you"
